Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Poor Bernice

I'm really terribly OCD about one thing. The vacuum. But I have a good excuse. We have that really dark forest green carpet and we also have two cats. Now, before I introduce you to Bernice, please be aware that she is very embarrassed that I didn't empty her canister. And she hasn't been wiped down in some time. And her poor cord...well, just look.

The cats chew it (even after bitter apple spray) so she had an ER visit that involved almost an entire roll of electrical tape (by the way, this is her second cord) and we finally gave up trying to wind it around the back. Just about a week ago, Bernice the Vacuum started hissing (I suppose I ticked her off when I ran over a scooter bolt in Bo's room) and the surgery she endured wasn't pretty and didn't help. She didn't much like the screwdriver and the butter knife digging out the giant hairballs wrapped around a few inhaled ponytail holders. Woops. Or the removal of her brush and belt that required a bit of....hmmmm....domestic engineering to get back on. Sorry, Bernice. Anyway, she's my best girl at home since she cleans so well (well, she used to). But I'm afraid she's about to go vacuum up the pet hair in Heaven...ahhhhh....Bernice. The kids and the cats run when I get you out of the closet. Mr. Miata has no choice but to turn off the TV that the neighbors can hear. And you have cleaned my floors more than any vacuum should have to. I'll make sure that Polly Pocket attends your funeral (she's pretty sure you stole her purple shoe) and the cats promise not to eat grass that day to avoid hacking up a hairball that will require the shampooer and the shop vac as soon as they step foot in the house. But, if you are about to die, please give me just a bit of time to save for your replacement. She must be as efficient and reliable, and she must be able to tree small cats and make children run for high places in their rooms. And last, but not least, she has to endure three laps around the house each day, sometimes working a double shift. But maybe we shouldn't tell her that just yet. No?


  1. hehe! cute post!
    I wish I had such a loving relationship with my vacuum!!! :)

  2. You crack me up.... great post!!

  3. holy cow sister .. you are lucky that bernice hasn't swallowed up more than polly pockets purple shoe .. i think bernice better go to heaven BEFORE you bring her replacement home .. otherwise .. i cant even imagine what bernice might do to her .. keep us posted please !!